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Today, when finally awakened by the ache in my back and a stiff, uh neck, I was planning to write an expose on the underground and highly Illegal Cuckolding industry so prevalent in the lower US state of California, but the parameters for legal cuckolding were way to vague so, after the muse and a t...
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Raven, keeping it simple....
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15 Spectacular tricks to teach your body, and the same tricks Alaskan style.
This parody was inspired by katyzzz's, recent post; but this comment was eaten when it uploaded, and I do want everyone to note her contribution.
1.) If you've got an itch in your throat, scratch your ear. When the ne...
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For the last week or more, I have been trying to woo crows and ravens into my yard with table scraps, which evolved from random scattering of the scraps on the snow into an old pizza pan filled with table scraps, dry cat food and canned cat food. A veritable cornucopia of bird treats second only to...
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Where's that cross dressing eco minded party animal Al Gored person, I want to show him the affects of global warming here in Juneau.
What a self serving lying bitch weasel!
I am shoveling snow in mid April! It's more like the Younger-Dryas affect than global warming; a ne...
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This is only a partial list; I was nearly over whelmed when I started to consider the topics to list. Without a doubt, when you really consider the matter, we all have reason to be happy about those things we love. And I think we should explore the theme a bit more often.
It even included...
click title to read more
|
Westboro Baptist Church (WBC) , "Why aren't you a cult?" Is the subject of a recent email that I sent to those people, and why wouldn't I?
The members of WBC, as a group, appear to be JJ's (Jim Jones) brand, Temple of Doom flavored, Kool-Aid drinkers. How are they different?
I sent them...
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The time for protesting the Olympics being held in China has long since past.
As an Alaskan, I don't see things the way supporters of trendy causes do outside of our state; the rule of action and reaction have not changed or been set aside. Thoughtless action could ultimately provoke the kil...
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Heres a one for the books: These photographs of four black bears cavorting on a backyard play set, were supposedly taken by a resident of Anchorage, Alaska, in August 2006. Or were they doctored? You decide
The Mom's Story: This playground was built in the yard for our 3 and 4 year-old boy...
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Heres a scene that was played out between a polar bear and photographer.
Some folks just need motivation to jog. I wonder who took these photos, our sprint champion certainly didn't. Anyway, these were emailed me today and they really amused me. I hope they do you as w...
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by Harry D. Colp
Link to Story.
This is an excerpt from the original 30 page book.
1900, Thomas Bay, Alaska,
The writer of this story has been dead for several years now. At one time, back in the early thirties, he had this story written up ready to send away. Something ha...
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Man, I have got to tell you this weird story about what happened to me last Thursday; it was grave dark and cold outside that afternoon. Really, it was colder an darker than a three dollar hookers heart on a two dollar discount night, I mean to say; it was damn cold ~ really, and an ice fog that...
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Misconceptions about Alaska:
We dont live in Igloos, . . .without a brick facing, cable TV and indoor plumbing.
Alaskan women are ugly, . . .untrue, when one flashes a full tooth smile in your direction; itll melt your heart.
Alaskan men are ugly, . . .untrue, unless your heart winner ca...
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This tale begins with the delivery of a package, from "outside" of Alaska.
Grandma Sara and Grandpa Fred live in Alaska far from their grandchildren physically, but never far from their hearts. Recently, Flat Katie came into the lives of Sara and Fred via postal service mail walrus. It was an...
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Morality. Where did your personal moral code originate. Was it adopted? Did you subscribe to it, was it inherited from your family or mandated by them? Can it be legislated and imposed upon you, and if so, can it be enforced? Like it can be under sharia law?
Is the source of your moral found...
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Click On Photo to Enlarge
Today, when finally awakened by the ache in my back and a stiff, uh neck, I was planning to write an expose on the underground and highly Illegal Cuckolding industry so prevalent in the lower US state of California, but the parameters for legal cuckolding were way to vague so, after the muse and a third cup of coffee wore off, I abandoned the idea for now.
It was hard to concentrate on such a mentally demanding task as that had become and at the same time deal with a very sick wife, who needed attention and catering service from her only available source; me, the husband who’d benefited from many, many, many hours of her catering to me. It would have been unconscionable to even consider refusing to assist her, well for more than a few moments anyway.
Well, oddly enough, while I was emptying the various trash bins scattered about our abode, I simultaneously heard a strange kakking n yakking noise and was hit by the creativity muse. The muse won out and I tried to focus on a story line: Did I Miss Something Organic? And pondered the hordes of newly labeled organic items in stores; organic veggies, milk, bread, cheeses, fish, canned and frozen products galore. Somewhere between thoughts of organic canned stuff and what constitutes inorganic veggies, milk, bread, cheese, fish and frozen stuffs ~ that damned noise assaulted my ears, again.
Medford Buried Himself in Vitamin C
Gathering up my calm and courage I went to find the source of the retching and kakking; the source disappeared in a flurry of grey fur and the resultant lay on the floor; Medford was ill, and fearful for his life abandoned all hope of mercy when I approached. Wow, now the cat and Tisha were ill-phew, this didn’t bode well.
Cleaning the cat deposits of furballs and chunkies, I located him making biscuits on Tisha’s tummy and they both looked delighted with each others company, and my heart melted at the sight of the two nurturing one another. So, putting out clean trash bins, extra tissues, snacks, drinks and cold remedies, I felt safe to begin blogging again.
A happy thought, had an uneasy feeling not started creeping upon this hapless soul, bingo ~ whoops there it was. Raven the ever staunch warrior was being laid low by a lowly, vile demonic micro beasty, and I was forcibly thrown among the ranks of the ill. I prepared to join Medford and Tisha in bed rest, and will make up another set of cold remedies for my side of the bunk, then retire for the night. What a today.
Sigh. So my fellow Orbler’s, please cough towards China today, I don’t need a prolonged anything, I’ve got serious blog . . gin. . g 2 do. Bye.
Raven
Visit my other nefarious blogs, occasionally; leave a note or a rant, it’s all good.
www.iswhy.com
www.aglobalcitizen.com
www.coffeequip.com
www.paranormalparanormal.com
Raven, keeping it simple.
15 Spectacular tricks to teach your body, and the same tricks Alaskan style.
This parody was inspired by katyzzz's, recent post; but this comment was eaten when it uploaded, and I do want everyone to note her contribution.
1.) If you've got an itch in your throat, scratch your ear. When the nerves in the ear get stimulated, they create a reflex in the throat that causes a muscle spasm, which cures the itch. That’s for chechakos (Alaskan for newbie); we scratch our behinds and kick a brown bear in the butt and take off running while swilling a jug of lemonade Schnapps; if the bear gets ya, you don’t care and if he don’t, the itchy throats a reminder you escaped.
2.) Having trouble hearing someone at a party or on the phone? Use your right ear…its better at picking up rapid speech. But, the left is better at picking up music tones. Fire you pistola into the floor and tell them other loud mouths the next one is for them if they don’t shut; works every time.
3.) If you need to relieve yourself BADLY, but you're not anywhere near a bathroom, fantasize about RELATIONS. That preoccupies your brain and distracts it. Ah hell, that’s what your underwear is for, ‘mergency tissue; just find a bush behind the couch and let’er fly. No one will notice.
4.) Next time the doctor's going to give you an injection, COUGH as the needle is going in. The cough raises the level of pressure in your spinal canal, which limits the pain sensation as it tries to travel to your brain. Kick the injector person or doc in the shin as he inserts the needle, the damn shot will still hurt, but the doc is gonna feel worse than you do, and it’s a great stress reliever.
5.) Clear a stuffed nose or relieve sinus pressure by pushing your tongue against the roof of your mouth…then pressing a finger between your eyebrows. Repeat that for 20 seconds…it causes the vomer bone to rock, which loosens your congestion and clears you up. Uncork a fifth of Yukon Jack and set the bottle of the floor close to a wall, then stand on your head next to the jug and the wall, uncap the beast and grab the monster by the neck pour two ounces into both nostril’s and inhale through the nose deeply; eh yup, that should unclog even the most stubborn sinus blockage.
6.) If you ate a big meal and you're feeling full as you go to sleep, lay on your left side. That'll keep you from suffering from acid reflux…it keeps your stomach lower than your esophagus, which will help keep stomach acid from sliding up your throat. That’s a sign that an Alaskan has eaten to much and didn’t leave the requisite room for the nightcap; so, call in the dogs, stick your dogs’ tail down your throat and sop or chuck enough to make room for frozen Stoli nightcaps and beer chaser. The dogs love it, ‘specially if you been chowing down on muk tuk.
7.) You can stop a toothache by rubbing ice on the back of your hand, on the webbed area between your thumb and index finger. The nerve pathways there stimulate a part of the brain that blocks pain signals from your mouth. Ah, this is just plain embarrassing, everyone knows that you take two fifth’s of Jack and an aspirin, and then go to bed with a chunky spouse in case it’s cold.
8.) If you get all messed up on liquor, and the room starts spinning, put your hand on something stable. The reason: Alcohol dilutes the blood in the part of your ear called the cupula, which regulates balance. Putting your hand on something stable gives your brain another reference point, which will help make the world stop spinning. What, a spinning room really means is that you’re just warming up, it’s when you’ve drank yourself sober twice and found yourself sleeping with the dogs down by the river that ya need to get worried; whose got the bottle??
9.) Stop a nose bleed by putting some cotton on your upper gums…right behind the small dent below your nose…and press against it hard. Most of the bleeding comes from the cartilage wall that divides the nose, so pressing there helps get it to stop. Well, yea the cotton is handy but usually all you’ll have is your briefs and etiquette demands that ya turn ‘em inside out before you stuff them up your nose to stop the bleeding; well that and be careful whatcha say to Larsvirginhooter’s next time.
10.) Nervous? Slow your heart rate down by blowing on your thumb. The vagus nerve controls your heart rate, and you can calm it down by breathing. Just strap on your 50 cal. eight shooter, choke down a bottle of Viagra and a fifth of Peppermint Schnapps and go where ya damn well please, you won’t be nervous alone.
11.) Need to breathe underwater for a while??? Instead of taking a huge breath, HYPERVENTILATE before you go under, by taking a bunch of short breaths. That'll trick your brain into thinking it has more oxygen, and buy you about 10 extra seconds. This one could make the difference between a failed or successful attempt at retrieving your wallet from the bottom of a full port-a-john tank; hey, them genuine Shiek’s ain’t easy to come by here in Laska.
12.) You can prevent BRAIN FREEZE by pressing your tongue flat against the roof of your mouth, covering as much surface area as possible. Brain freeze happens because the nerves in the roof of your mouth get extremely cold, so your brain thinks your whole body is cold. It compensates by overheating…which causes your head to hurt. By warming up the roof of your mouth, you'll chill your brain and feel better. If ya worry ‘bout getting brain freeze, move your non Stoli drinking ass south ya hoser.
13.) If your hand falls asleep, rock your head from side to side.
That'll wake your hand or arm up in less than a minute. Your hand falls asleep because of the nerves in your neck compressing…so loosening your neck is the cure. If your foot falls asleep, that's governed by nerves lower in the body, so you need to stand up and walk around. Eh, two rounds of grizzly wrestling will get those hands to working, if not, we have stylish birch hook replacements to scratch any future itches with.
14.) Finally, this one's totally USELESS, but a nice trick. Have
Someone stick their arm out to the side, straight, palm down. Press down on his wrist with two fingers. He'll resist, and his arm will stay horizontal. Then, have him put his foot on a surface that's half an inch off the ground, like a stack of magazines, and do the trick again. Because his spine position is thrown off, his arm will fall right to his side, no matter how much he tries to resist. Yup, please do this to an old sour dough, we need to thin the tourists out a bit anyway. How do ya like yer gizzard served?
15.) Got the hiccups? Press thumb and second finger over your eyebrows until the hiccups are over usually shortly. Refer back to items 1.) or 2.) either choice works well. But if not, go set in a closet and have a friend throw in a bob cat and within seconds you’ll be hiccup free; and then go see the doc and kick him in the shins, ‘cause you know whats coming next.
Raven
For the last week or more, I have been trying to woo crows and ravens into my yard with table scraps, which evolved from random scattering of the scraps on the snow into an old pizza pan filled with table scraps, dry cat food and canned cat food. A veritable cornucopia of bird treats second only to the local dump.
The crows took heed, and posted a scout hen to watch for signs of movement at the abode of fine bird cuisine; it rapidly became the in-spot for twitter-patted bird couples. Pre-nesting bird couples of course. When I take their serving tray outside and make my, “. . . dinner is served,” crow sound, the sky blackens immediately.
Her royal blackness, the scout hen is always the first bird to the food, and she has visibly put on weight; a fact duly noted and wildly appreciated by a couple of very macho and handsome suitors. After the now chubby little hen has gobbled the first couple of bites, she calls in the rest of the flock and then it’s every bird for himself or was until recently.
The first major change occurred when they mobbed a junkyard dog tough raven and sent him packing. Even when he came back with street thugs to help, the crow flock sent them packing. Even the neighbors’ cat now walks around the area when they are dining.
The next modest change was that they are far from being skittish at the food dish when I am around, except to caw for seconds, the little wankers just form lines around the tray and pig out. How do they lick that tray clean with a beak? It baffles me. When done, the couples will strut about the yard looking for soft grass and nesting materials to take home with them.
What got to me lately is a new tactic, one of the birds has learned to caw at me from an open window when the flock decides they’re hungry and they want food, my beauty sleep be damned because they want what they want and they want it now.
My folly: today I sat on my porch, camera in hand and took a three minute video of the birds coming and going only to accidentally erase the clip during the downloading process. And while pondering that unhappy moment I was struck low by an epiphany.
Feeding those birds was providing them with more time for loud courtships, nest building, mating and for pooping on my car; the racket is getting to be unbearable and who needs to be yelled at by a spoiled bird?
Well, ok, maybe I do; it’s got to be an Alaskan thing.
Raven
Where's that cross dressing eco minded party animal Al Gored person, I want to show him the affects of global warming here in Juneau.
What a self serving lying bitch weasel!
I am shoveling snow in mid April! It's more like the Younger-Dryas affect than global warming; a new mini ice age - just @#$%!...ing Great!.
We had an avalanche yesterday that took out major power transmission towers, which the utility company says will take three months to repairs, after they can get to the area where it occurred. Which is unstable as hell right now. The upside, they're going to go on generated power, provided that they can find enough fuel to keep them running and will only increase our utility bills by up to 500% for becoming our source of salvation.
The lying money grubbing...
Dirty rotten butt sniffing usury snakes..
Opportunistic ambulance chasing chain yanking...
Bastards!
Not, that I am not envious of their absolute power over Juneau residents; of course.
Raven
This is only a partial list; I was nearly over whelmed when I started to consider the topics to list. Without a doubt, when you really consider the matter, we all have reason to be happy about those things we love. And I think we should explore the theme a bit more often.
[It even included things I love to hate. I’ll do another hate list later.]
I Love:
1. ~ the smell of puppies and kittens
2. ~ the smell of coffee in the morning
3. ~ the sound of birds chattering and singing
4. ~ the smell of freshly baked bread, cakes, cookies
5. ~ the sound of water rippling in slow streams
6. ~ the distant sound of thunder
7. ~ the smell of new rain
8. ~ the sight of salmon filled streams
9. ~ the sight of new life in the forest
10. ~ the smell of my spouses hair
11. ~ the smell of dinner cooking at the end of a hard day
12. ~ the feel of silence
13. ~ the laughter of children
14. ~ the camaraderie of friends
15. ~ the convenience and speed of email
16. ~ the sound of well read poetry
17. ~ the sound of classical or high music
18. ~ the quickening pulse of rising excitement
19. ~ the sight of wild animals in their natural state
20. ~ the smell of freshly bathed babies, including my spouse
21. ~ the familiar sounds of my home
22. ~ the raucous noise of happy people
23. ~ the satisfaction of a completed and well done project
24. ~ the inviting gurgling sound of a coffee pot finishing it’s task
25. ~ the cheerful whistle of a tea kettle
26. ~ the smell of my paintings
27. ~ the smell of fresh sawdust and woodchips
28. ~ the sound of my children’s voices
29. ~ the joy of busting a move when no one is looking
30. ~ the full on craziness of singing in the shower
31. ~ the first day of relief after getting over a cold
32. ~ the patient waiting of a cashier while I rush to gather a forgotten item ~ again
33. ~ the smiles of strangers
34. ~ the random acts of kindness of others
35. ~ the anticipation of new movies or music DVD’s
36. ~ the joy of blogging
37. ~ the delight of reading a well composed article or book
38. ~ the sight of average people doing average things
39. ~ the scream of line spooling off of my fishing reel
40. ~ the pleasure of listening to your spouse crack up at your jokes
41. ~ the fun of feeding the ravens and crows in my neighborhood
42. ~ the satisfaction of being understood
43. ~ the healing power of a simple touch
44. ~ the power of meditation
45. ~ the play of sunlight on my skin
46. ~ the peace of driving in the rain
47. ~ the promise of rainbows
48. ~ the wonder of the northern lights dancing in the heavens
49. ~ the crackle and smell of fall leaves
50. ~ the joy of being yourself~ of women being girls ~ of men being boys
Well, where’s your list?
Raven
Westboro Baptist Church (WBC) , "Why aren't you a cult?" Is the subject of a recent email that I sent to those people, and why wouldn't I?
The members of WBC, as a group, appear to be JJ's (Jim Jones) brand, Temple of Doom flavored, Kool-Aid drinkers. How are they different?
I sent them a list of my blog sites and the following note:
I am going to do what I can to raise public awareness about your misguided fringe antics. Collectively, you're ill educated and largely ignorant about the word of God; it is obvious to me that the only god you worship is the petty little god whose face you view in your mirror(s) and that makes you as dangerous as OBL.
I'd be delighted to hear from your members, and not a designated spiel meister.
Rather than use my words to describe them, wikipedia has a few already:
"The Westboro Baptist Church (WBC) is a hate group headed by Fred Phelps and based in Topeka, Kansas, United States.
The church runs numerous websites such as GodHatesFags.com, GodHatesAmerica.com and others expressing condemnation of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people (LGBT), Roman Catholics, Muslims and Jews, as well as populations it believes are supporting the aforementioned groups, including Swedes, Canadians, Irish, British, Mexicans and Americans.
The organization is monitored by the Anti-Defamation League, and is classified as a hate group by the Southern Poverty Law Center. Although well-known in LGBT communities for picketing gay pride events and funerals, the group achieved national notoriety for picketing funeral processions for soldiers killed in action during the Iraq War.
While its members identify themselves as Baptists, the church is an independent church not affiliated with any known Baptist conventions or associations. The church describes itself as following Primitive Baptist and Calvinist principles, though mainstream Primitive Baptists condemn Westboro Baptist Church and Phelps. Its first public service was held on the afternoon of Sunday, November 27, 1955.
The church bases its work around the belief expressed by its best known slogan and the address of its primary website, "God hates fags," and expresses the idea that nearly every tragedy in the world is linked to homosexuality – specifically society's increasing tolerance and acceptance of the so-called "Homosexual Agenda." The group maintains that God hates homosexuals above all other kinds of "sinners" and that homosexuality should be a capital crime."
Here's a link to contact them and leave a message:
WBC Contact Us
Here are some links to their own documents:
Upcoming Picket Schedules: Picketing
Picket Plans for John Roberts: Robert's Picketing
Picket Plans for the Pope: Papal picketing
And the always popular: God Hates Fags
So, there you have it, hate speech personified.
What should be done?
Raven
The time for protesting the Olympics being held in China has long since past.
As an Alaskan, I don't see things the way supporters of trendy causes do outside of our state; the rule of action and reaction have not changed or been set aside. Thoughtless action could ultimately provoke the killing of innocents, and who will then claim responsibility?
Should the protester have their way and do manage to embarrass China, there will be a backlash against Tibetans, and any dissident captured; they will be brutalized.
These same folks who rail against the US involvement in the war on terrorism, are going to stir up a whirlwind of retaliation against dissidents; while seeing themselves as paragons of moral righteousness and rescuer of the nations whose higher means justifies the end.
It's unconscionable and ill thought out. Now that China has taken a huge financial and political risk, they won't allow themselves to be humiliated or to publically loose face.
Who, among the stylishly dressed and carefully choreographed protesters will stand in for a single suffering soul in a Chinese prison? It’s easy to support a cause when it doesn’t cost you anything worse than a night in jail and a fine. Consider paying the price with your broken body and spirit to earn my respect for your self indulgent behavior.
Peace isn't an accident; it's a choice. Raven
Here’s a one for the books: These photographs of four black bears cavorting on a backyard play set, were supposedly taken by a resident of Anchorage, Alaska, in August 2006. Or were they doctored? You decide
The Mom's Story: This playground was built in the yard for our 3 and 4 year-old boys. When finished, I got a call from mom to look outside.
There they were, four black bears having a great time. After about 20 minutes, I had to scare them off so they wouldn’t think our play set was a good place to hangout.
Although I threw rocks and dirt clods at them, they just sniffed the rocks and looked at me with their blank bear stare. When I actually hit one of them, they sauntered away. Leaving behind bite or claw marks in the wood, slide, toys, and a trail of poo in the woods [That's where they do it you know.]
Since then, my husband hooked up an air horn. That way, the boys can alert me if a moose or bear or porcupine or any other critter comes around. FINI, Done, The End, No More . . .
Well?
Real or faked??
Raven
Heres a scene that was played out between a polar bear and photographer.
Snifff, . . . r u edible?
Wait up...
Hey, wait up . . .
Where ya goin?
U gonna wait or not??
C'mon, give it a rest....
Some folks just need motivation to jog. I wonder who took these photos, our sprint champion certainly didn't. Anyway, these were emailed me today and they really amused me. I hope they do you as well.
So, what do you think?
Raven
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