tlcorbinMisconceptions about Alaska ~ a List
March 26th 2008 21:30
Category: Tall Tales n Lies
We don’t live in Igloo’s, . . .without a brick facing, cable TV and indoor plumbing.
Alaskan women are ugly, . . .untrue, when one flashes a full tooth smile in your direction; it’ll melt your heart.
Alaskan men are ugly, . . .untrue, unless your heart winner can’t remove his fur coat in the spring; sometimes that can be a problem.
All Alaskan’s are fishermen, . . .actually, they just smell that way.
Alaskan’ treat their dogs better than their kids, . . .when the kids can pull a sled as well as the dog’s, things will improve.
There’s only two seasons to the climate of Alaska, . . . wrong, we have winter, post winter, not quite winter and pre-winter; that’s four.
Alaskan men marry large women just to keep them warm in the winter, . . .untrue, it’s a bonus.
There aren’t any match makers in Alaska, . . .eh, wrong again, the clerks at our rugged men and women’s outfitters keep everybody’s sizes and post notices when a couple matches up; a perfect couple wear the same size coat, hat, pants and boots; and smoke the same brand of cigars.
Alaskans don’t like indoor sports, . . .where do you think all of our kids happened along from? And where’d we play darts and drink ourselves into a stupor at, out in a blizzard?
Alaska is dark most of the year round, . . .wrong again, it’s only for a few months each year, which just happens to correspond with the following spring harvest of kids.
Divorce is prevalent in Alaska, . . .not during the king crab season, cranky spouses are used for trap bait.
The capitol of Alaska is going to be moved, . . .nope, we got them politicians corralled in Juneau with no roads in or out, and we like to keep them there.
Penguins migrate through Alaska, . . .absolutely, they do it on the backs of whales.
Well, there you have it, the insider's scoop about Alaska. Got any questions? Raven
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Comment by Harry
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Comment by Damo
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Makes sense.
I'd be pissed off too if I had come all the way from the Southern hemisphere.
Comment by katyzzz
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Everything else looks great, if a little unexpected. The simple life for me.
Good thing you do with your politicians, doesn't really matter how you vote in those circumstances does it?
Do you have a high temperature?
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Comment by tlcorbin
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Yeah Damo, their fussing got so bad we had to toss the penguins out. Most have relocated to swanky zoo’s; the unlucky one's wound up in Antarctica or as sushi.
Actually katyzzz, with do have thin 6’ tall men, with huge bank accounts, we call them tourists.
The rumor mill has it that the USA will be adopting a similar system soon, and will ship all politicians to gitmo right after they release all others safer prisoners.
mmm, the temp is about normal for spring, maybe 1C, pretty darn hot for me.
Hello Amy, I’m glad you found a giggle here.
Everyone, thanks for stopping by. Raven
Comment by katyzzz
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Comment by tlcorbin
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Comment by Kleonaptra
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Love it. You just make me want to move there when you talk like that....
Comment by KylieW
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Oh yes, King Crab season. I religiously watched The Deadliest Catch.......those Alaskan fishermen are hardcore!!!
My sister and I are thinking of doing a trip next year that will encompass Alaska, I've always wanted to go there.
Comment by tlcorbin
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Hi Kylie, eh, those whimps on the Deadliest Catch got nothing on real Alaskans, we free dive for them-in our briefs. The wet suits keeps you to warm, hahaha. The king crab season has claimed many lives and truly isn't for the faint hearted.
You wouldn't be sorry for making the trip ladies. Raven
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Comment by tlcorbin
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Comment by Mountain Fog
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But....
WE ALL KNOW YOU LOT LIVE IN IGLOOS!!!
I've seen the Hollywood movies..and they NEVER lie!
So you might as well come clean and admit it to everyone!
On another note, most people do not know that the polar bear is fast becoming the number one pet in Alaska, whether they like it or not! What do you call your polar bear? I hope not Mrs Raven!!!
MUSH!! How did you 'chasps' start saying that to your sled dogs? Was it because you kept running over them and turning them into....
cheers and chattering teeth....does everyone go through a lot of false teeth from chattering jaws up there?
fog
Comment by tlcorbin
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Walrus n bushberry sushi!
Further they're about as honest and reliable as a horney, campaign stumping, married Clinton on a 5min break alone with an intern.
Polar bear pet? I'd never call her pet, Lambie maybe, but never pet. Mrs Raven doesn't know about Lambie, so let's just hold our beaks about that one.
We get'em moving with the traditonal cry: Run Damnit or I'll feed ya to the bears. Works well.
I've only been through sets of front tooth no more than 4 or 5 times, once I figured out that political debates were a factor in loosing them. Any of this help clear things up?
Raven
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Comment by Mountain Fog
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You did say your secret pal was male....ahem...no more said, I can keep a secret...(poor Mrs Raven..oh well)
Maybe a dose of spirituality and compassion will heal all the polar bear scars, you too can put your name down on the list asking China to free Tibet!
Please use the link below, (by the way, they have one million signatures, now they are trying to get 2 million in the four days they have left before delivery of the petiton).
Why not sign, it will be good for the soul, certainly very good for the souls being tortured, incarcerated and murdered, right now, in Tibet!
LINK: PETITION FOR TIBET
cheers and 'WOOF" to you and your polar pal,
or whatever polar bears say!!??!!
fog
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Comment by Michaelie
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What are the premiums like on igloo insurance, anyway?
Hilarious post.
Michaelie
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get out, you mean alaskan women dont look like Anne Heche and the cast of "Men In Trees"?
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Hiya Morgan, there's been rumors of an Anne Heche like waif living in one of the villages, but we'll have to wait until summer for it to be safe (warm) enough to remove the requisite layers of winter clothing to verify the claims. Although some of the local pundits suspect that it's an under nourished toddler.
Surprisingly, the lower 49 states bunch of the US has odd ideas about us as well: do we speak English, is US currency accepted, do they need a passport and visa to visit (Visa bank cards-very helpful), do we drive cars on the same side of the road that they do, is their drivers licenses valid here, do we eat beef? How is it that a so called modern, well educated society, has been brought down to that level of ignorance about their own country and its history? Sigh. . .
Raven
Comment by Mountain Fog
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RAVEN!! Surely you have heard of the polar bear gender re-assignment programme???
And thank you, for having some conscience and compassion regarding our Tibetan friends.
cheers
fog
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