It's Another Twisted List
November 25th 2007 23:21
Category: Tall Tales n Lies
Shocking News:
There are Simple Remedies to Simple Problems:
1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling coffee down your throat and presto, the blockage will be almost instantly removed. (Refer back to Swallow or Spit choices.)
2. Clumsy in the kitchen? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away with a short sword, pesky in-laws work well.
3. Guys, avoid arguments with the Lady of the House about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink; and quit putting cellophane wrap over the porcelain opening beneath the seat.
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed into a container for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer and make a few blood sausages from the surplus.
5. Didja know a mousetrap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button, but then, so will dozens of large tacks glued to its surfaces.
6. If you have a bad cough and insist upon going out on the town, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough. But, hold with the giggles, it's unsightly on first dates.
7. So, you have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and chew on an ice cube, you will instantly forget all about the toothache, and the ice will help reduce the swelling.
8. Remember, you only need two common items to get through most household tasks:
A) An Industrial sized can of WD-40, if it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40, and
B) Gorilla Brand Duct Tape, if it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
(These rules are null and void if spouses are involved.)
9. Caution: Everyone seems normal until you get to know him, her, it, them or you.
10. Never pass up an opportunity twice to go to the bathroom and never ever jog barefoot behind someone that has.
Thoughts for the day:
If you woke up breathing, congratulations. You have another chance to really muck things up.
Be nice to your family and friends; you never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan or their bank account, especially gramma.
Did you ever notice that some folks are like cats...they are not really good for anything but they still bring a smile to your face when you boot them down a flight of stairs.
Raven has issues, how about you?
There are Simple Remedies to Simple Problems:
1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling coffee down your throat and presto, the blockage will be almost instantly removed. (Refer back to Swallow or Spit choices.)
2. Clumsy in the kitchen? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away with a short sword, pesky in-laws work well.
3. Guys, avoid arguments with the Lady of the House about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink; and quit putting cellophane wrap over the porcelain opening beneath the seat.
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed into a container for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer and make a few blood sausages from the surplus.
5. Didja know a mousetrap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button, but then, so will dozens of large tacks glued to its surfaces.
6. If you have a bad cough and insist upon going out on the town, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough. But, hold with the giggles, it's unsightly on first dates.
7. So, you have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and chew on an ice cube, you will instantly forget all about the toothache, and the ice will help reduce the swelling.
8. Remember, you only need two common items to get through most household tasks:
A) An Industrial sized can of WD-40, if it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40, and
B) Gorilla Brand Duct Tape, if it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
(These rules are null and void if spouses are involved.)
9. Caution: Everyone seems normal until you get to know him, her, it, them or you.
10. Never pass up an opportunity twice to go to the bathroom and never ever jog barefoot behind someone that has.
Thoughts for the day:
If you woke up breathing, congratulations. You have another chance to really muck things up.
Be nice to your family and friends; you never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan or their bank account, especially gramma.
Did you ever notice that some folks are like cats...they are not really good for anything but they still bring a smile to your face when you boot them down a flight of stairs.
Raven has issues, how about you?
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Comment by katyzzz
Photography Tips
MS Paint Art
katyzzz
Comment by Damo
We are all crazy except me and thee
But sometimes thee I fear.
Comment by tlcorbin-raginravensview
Honestly, I dunno, no one is more surprised than I.
Damo
..and I thee, you see?
Thanks for visiting.
Raven
Comment by Tracy
Movies and Life
Comment by KylieW
Celebrity Obsession
Love the list!!! I'm going to throw out all my cleaning items and just make do with WD40 and duct tape!
Kylie
Comment by tlcorbin-raginravensview
Indeed it is, painfully so.
Kylie
We swear at 'em and by 'em here in Alaska.
Thank you all for your comments.
Raven
Comment by Mr Nice Guy
Pop Culturist
Pop Rock Factory
MNG
Comment by Michaelie
Flick Wit
Michaelie
Comment by tlcorbin-raginravensview
Wow, and I thought it was just a list....
Michaelie
It's good to get these things exposed... peeker.
Thank you for dropping in and commenting.
Raven
Comment by Ash
Flashes of memories
Number 5 makes me crings just thinking about it.
Ash
Comment by tlcorbin-raginravensview
Comment by James Rickard
unlucky_ fishermen.com
Angling Fish
Check this out...
Comment by tlcorbin-raginravensview
Comment by Fingertip Titans Unite
Idiots Among Us
Fingertip Titans
Comment by tlcorbin