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Someone else lived My Story....too

January 18th 2008 22:49
Category: General
Thank You.

From a grateful veteran, name with held at authors request.

Far too often those of us that have been or are labeled as marginalized have fallen prey to our own mindset of victimhood, ignoring or refusing to accept the real assistance that is and has been available for years. This was true in my case.

Being a Vietnam era veteran and an inactive Marine (there are only active or inactive Marines-never former Marines), I came home and tried to make a life. And succeeded occasionally and failed in equal measure. But never found peace, couldn’t shake the haunting memories being lived with, couldn’t stay in any kind of a relationship and so began my journey that eventually took me to Alaska for the first time in 1970, where my heart and things have remained since.

Living in Alaska has provided me with a real sense of peace and safety. The fact that I was officially homeless, for over 20 years never registered or occurred to me, because of the peace experienced. However, mental and physical health problem cropped up. In the last 7 years I have been in VA hospitals over a dozen times, self medicating, drinking, anger and violent outbursts were very much the norm for me. This was just one of many things that have helped me to come back around; helpful resources and caring people, besides family members caught up in their own lives.

Initially there was a DAV representative in Alaska, John Wilkins, who took me under wing and quietly began proving to me that I could trust him. Since our first encounter, I went to those many visits at the hospital, discovering that among the long list of other issues, that I had PTSD, a GAF score of 15, prostrate cancer, diabetes, exposure to agent orange had left me without resistance to fungus, molds, and amazingly, I even learned that I could live a somewhat normal life in spite of those things. My problems got me a 100% disability rating.

Eventually, I quit living the nomadic life style, moved into an apartment, acquired stuff and found a remarkable woman to share my life with. I don’t drink, use recreational drugs or get into bar brawls anymore and actually have had major work done on my teeth courtesy of the VA. I guess they decided it was a safe investment finally.

Over the years, I tried to get a grip on my life and attempted to start several businesses, none have succeeded for more than three years. But at least I have tried. My last attempt was devastating and left me wanting to end it all. Death has never frightened me as much as living does because survivor’s guilt has haunted me since my return from Vietnam.

Alaska is what I perceive to be one of the most Veteran Friendly states in the USA. They excel at providing non veteran assistance as well, and for that, I would like to thank some lesser known hero’s and heroines in Gov. Sarah Palin’s administration.

What can you do when you’re over the hill so to speak, a disabled veteran and a former business owner? Those qualities don’t resonate well on a resume. But when a job offer manifested, I couldn’t get to it and needed help. Where do you turn? I went and chatted with Stan Lehman, and his supervisor Tom Hall. Stan had until recently worked for the DOL (Dept. of Labor) and they pointed me in what turned out to be, a right direction.

Stan was a former Veterans Employment rep for Alaska; he had me meet up with the current veteran rep, Timothy Miles, who has proved to be very helpful. I had heard about a program called WIA (Workforce Investment Act) that could help with relocation costs, he pointed out who to contact.

Dan Lakip, a Career Development specialist for the state knew all about the program, and suggested that I work with the DAV, and Jim Swanson the Vocational Rehab Regional Manager, who assigned the case to Beau Kelly, a Vocational Rehabilitation Specialist. I asked John Wilkins, my DAV rep about each of these folks and with his nod of approval, I felt comfortable and worked with them for several months; and we are still working together.

So what? Well, I had located employment near Anchorage, in a related field, but I couldn’t get there, Dan Lakip using the WIA program found a way to facilitate the move. The job required that I upgrade my work skills to bring them current and Beau Kelly with the additional assistance of Rae Beggan (a Work Force Development specialist) helped me meet the requirements for the job.

Soon, I plan to be working in this new position, but I know that none of this would have happened successfully without the helpful resources I’ve described. This grateful veteran wants to say thank you to everyone involved and that includes Ken Cook who helped me carry a heavy box from the resource center to my vehicle. This whole episode has left me profoundly moved and appreciative of being a resident of Alaska.

In addition to saying thanks, I’d like to encourage other veterans and non-veteran’s to reach out; help really is available.

This story bit me in the butt and I had to share it. Raven

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Comments
17 Comments. [ Add A Comment ]

Comment by Damo

January 19th 2008 01:05

Comment by katyzzz

January 19th 2008 01:18
So much to come to grips with, here's a real man for you, I hate wimps.

katyzzz

Comment by tlcorbin

January 19th 2008 01:29
Damo and katyzzz, I am glad you liked the post, thanks for visiting and reading it. Raven

Comment by Tracy

January 19th 2008 04:18
I learnt a lot and was very moved.

Tracy

Comment by Michaelie

January 19th 2008 04:38
I can't even imagine what it must be like to live that life. It would be hard not to be bitter, and to even try to find peace.

Very stirring, Raven.

Michaelie

Comment by tlcorbin

January 19th 2008 04:58

Comment by Michaelie

January 19th 2008 05:09
Yes - but could you really know what would come after? It may not have made a difference, but for veterans of that war, things were very different..? I'm asking, I don't really know, but that is how it seems.

Comment by tlcorbin

January 19th 2008 05:19
Michaelie, because you asked: No, there really wasn't any real way on knowing, but the attitude towards returning Vietnam vets was openly hostile in many arenas and remains so to this day. I recall being refused employment because of my, ...experiences. When we first started going to Vietnam, we weren't recognized as being there, officially. I went in 1965, but we'd had troops there since 1956. Would most of us do it again, yes. Would I fight with our troops now? Yes, especially if I could replace one young person serving there now.

Comment by Michaelie

January 19th 2008 05:31
I thought that's how you would feel - you would do it all again in spite of the way you were treated. I'm not so good as you. I would struggle to get past feeling wronged and lost, which I suppose would hinder me in coming to terms with it all, finding peace and being able to look at it more philosophically.

I think you are very brave, Raven.

Comment by tlcorbin

January 19th 2008 06:14
I think that you are brave for asking Michaelie, not many want to know the personal side of history. Thank you for caring enough to ask. There are worse things to fear than facing death. For my wife it is dying first, for me, it's loving my wife enough to live for her.

Comment by Michaelie

January 19th 2008 06:26
I hope you and Tisha continue to give each other such strength and hope and love - I'm sure you will. Thank you for being so open about it.

Comment by tlcorbin

January 19th 2008 06:30
We shall Michaelie, and I hope that you have someone in your life that has become equally important to you.

Comment by Kleonaptra

January 19th 2008 09:33
Raven,

Powerful, powerful post. Awesome words. Thankyou is always healing for the soul - for all parties involved.

Ive always recognised your distant melancholy. My 'Dad' was a Vietnam vet. A professional soldier.

Death has never frightened me as much as living does

Im with you there.

But this is something else -

survivor’s guilt

When watching a particularly brutal battle scene, I asked Kman - in chaos like this, how is it decided, who lives and who dies? Even the best of men can be in the path of destruction - the crowds and weapons are so thick. Its simply random death. How do you stay safe? What do you tell yourself to stay alive?

How do you have hope or survival instinct to do so, with so many dying around you?

Despite all his study of soldiers and warfare, Kman couldnt answer. No one can. Its inexplicable.

The other day, Jen and I argued destiny. I said that everything was destined to an extent - that free will exists but certain things are destined to the end. Karma, cause and effect.

She said thats just an excuse - something you tell yourself so you can do what you like and say you couldnt help it.

Its interesting her point of view. It has concionse. And, within my point of view I certainly am not suggesting a lack of choice (there is always that) or a lack of responsability. I am simply stating the universe - the natural order - demands cause and effect.

And thus, to be a survivor, it must be accepted that it simply wasnt your time. That is one thing you truly do not have any control over. Even if there is free will, even if Jen is right - and it is CHAOS - then still, death, particularly in such a situation, is beyond our comprehension.

Well. At least, I should hope so.

Like you, 'Dad' Person found a perfect enough female to overlook his flaws....Not my mother obviously.....

It pains me that human beings still throw people at each other as weapons, especially now. Theres a quote in Marion Zimmer Bradley's 'Firebrand' from Hector, saying how once a man cannot give a common courtesy, even in war, surely the human race is lost. I agreed with him.

I feel for you, for your health but Im so happy for you too - you live in a beautiful place with a special woman and your muse is bangin! If you hold on 5 years Raven, there'll be bionic body parts to replace anything you need.

Great piece.

Comment by tlcorbin

January 19th 2008 18:40
There it is, we always have free will and choice, under even the worst of circumstances kleo, but-the battle chaos, bodies jacked up on adrenalin, fear and primal rage is an intoxicating and addictive concoction. But there are act's of mercy, often brutal-often tender. No one walks away unscathed or clean.





Comment by Ash

January 19th 2008 22:54
What an amazing story Raven

It is sad that the very people who fight to defend their country have no place in their society when they return - and yet a murderer or child abuser is helped out in every way to be 'rehabilitated' and returned back into the society that they were bent on destroying.

I hope everyone in this situation finds the peace which they deserve.

Ash

Comment by tlcorbin

January 20th 2008 00:05
You have a very generous and kind heart Ash, and on behalf of all of those you make reference to, thank you.

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